is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
