I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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