I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My penis needs a shock collar
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
