you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
