Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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