Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
