So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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