pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
