all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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