I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize