This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think my moral compass just broke
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
