How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize