I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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