he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
