I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
