but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
