Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
