I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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