Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
