He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
