Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
