Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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