You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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