The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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