So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize