He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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