I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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