is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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