I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
