and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
