I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am naked and annoyed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
