I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
