the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
