I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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