So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
