just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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