Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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