we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
whose parrot is this?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
