Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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