winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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