I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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