I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
