Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
