Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
