Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
