All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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