this beer tastes like vomit already
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize