best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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