I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
