Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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