idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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