im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize