No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
