your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
