So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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