i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
