Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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