why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We had sex on a dog bed..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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