Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
