My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize