on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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