There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
