he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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