I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Someone shit on the floor
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
