I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
